To ask a question is easy, the difficulty
is to look very carefully into the problem itself, which contains
the answer. To understand this problem, we must see its implications.
Is marriage necessary?
People who are leading
good married life or witnessing others' good married life will
say as 'necessary'.
Is it not necessary?
People who are leading
bitter married life or witnessing others' bitter married lives
will say as 'not necessary'.
One man’s fascination could
be another’s irritation. Two people seeing from the same
window could see different things or see the same things differently.
Not many people share similar point of views or attitudes.
Some people may see marriage as a
necessity to carry on life while others may marry to fulfill necessities
in life. Both ways, marriage becomes fulfillment, but of different
needs.
Marriage varies in definition according
to different contexts. For a religious person, marriage is a religious
sacrament which is the fulfillment of sacred and religious duties.
For a practical person, it may be the most logical means of companionship.
For a society conscious person, marriage is a legal and social
acceptance of wedded bliss. For the profit-minded, marriage is
a means of deriving wealth and saving it too.
Let’s examine the basic difference
between the two situations of marriages that take place. No, it’s
not the love marriage and arranged marriage we are talking about.
The two conditions of marriages that happen are marriage of necessity
and necessity of marriage.
Necessity is the basic or fundamental
requirement. Can marriage ever become a necessity? If yes, what
are the reasons that make it a necessity?
Yes, marriage is a necessity. But
for what needs has to be answered first. And these needs change
from person to person. When the needs lead to marriage, it’s
a marriage of necessity. When marriage itself is a need, it’s
a necessity of marriage.
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In
the Necessity of marriage…
In a necessity
of marriage, a person marries for the sake of a life-partner,
for companionship and love. This marriage seeks and gives.
It is the result of the urge to belong and co-habituate.
To love and be loved, to respect and be respected. There
is a need to share and care. This also fulfills the social
needs to have a family.
This relationship has significance
and is unbreakable. It is not a mere habit or convenience,
nor is it based on sexual need. This will be a relationship
based on compatibility, trust and faith in each other. This
leads to mutual love. Love is not something abstract to
be thought about; love is to be found. When you know that
love which is unconditional, which is not the product of
the mind, then reality comes into being, and that state
is utter bliss, leaving you with nothing more to need.
When you are looking for a
companion for life, who shall be by your side in times good
and bad, who shall share your feelings, happy or sad, who
shall hold your hand, no matter what, then you are in necessity
of marriage. |
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In
the ‘marriage of necessity’…
Marriage of
necessities is driven by circumstances. When marriage could
seem to be the answer to all your needs, both material and
otherwise, it becomes the marriage of necessities. This
could be a marriage which is entered in to make profit or
for gain. It could be for wealth, sexual gratification or
a just another business deal. It could be an easy way out.
This marriage could mean fulfilling
wants and needs of various kinds and does not necessarily
involve love or compatibility. The need in this marriage
could be just of a beautiful spouse or a visa and ticket
to a foreign country. Such a marriage lacks the essence
of matrimony or companionship. When one is young, the sexual
urge is strong and in order to set a limit to it, the person
gets into the institution of marriage. You ‘tie’
yourself to a man or to a woman for the rest of your life
and merely get on with that person. You marry a stranger,
knowing not a thing about the person, and yet you live with
them for the rest of your life. You establish a relationship,
the significance of which you do not know and you have neither
discovered nor understood.
Do you call it a marriage where
both the partners are isolated, each pursuing his or her
own interests, ambitions and needs, each seeking from the
other gratification, economic or psychological security?
Such a relationship is not a relationship: it is a mutually
self-enclosing process of psychological, biological and
economic necessity, and the obvious result is conflict,
misery, nagging, possessive fear, jealousy, and so on. Even
if it fulfils a few of your needs in the beginning, do you
think such a relationship is productive of anything in the
long run?
Marriage of necessity becomes
a bargain or a contract. It violates the holiness of marriage.
It destroys the self-less love that slowly builds up in
a marriage for love and companionship. It makes us lonely
in company.
True to its definition, a marriage
of necessity remains and continues to be a relationship,
which goes on increasing your necessities. It shall make
you needy of love, companionship and togetherness.
“A marriage for need
shall always result into a marriage in need”.
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Whatever the goal, the means of marriage
remain the same. It is still widely practiced. Love it or hate it,
you can just not ignore it.
All you have to do is decide your way.
Will yours be
MARRIAGE OF NECESSITY?
Or
NECESSITY OF MARRIAGE?
