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The Proposal
A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty looking foreign girl
whom he wanted to marry. But he did not have the courage to talk
to her in person. So he decided to take some help from a dictionary
and wrote a letter of proposal to her.
HE WROTE:
Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnisation
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilisation
and with a view to the expansion
of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.
HER REPLY:
Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,
Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.
You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead
of continuation of paper conversation.
I Remain,
Unaffected by your affection.
How Various People Search For A Wife?
Fisherman: Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean,
cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please
send photograph of motorboat.
Salesman: Once
in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article.
One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking
for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house,
car and successful career!
Economist: I am in demand of a wife. Supply is
great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of
my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national
interest.
Mathematician: Wife required to complete the formula
of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms.
Needed to help further my family unit.
It Consultant: Well there is definite room for
improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information
and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my
life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
Business Man: Wife wanted for company.
Politician: I feel there is a need in this world,
to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life
and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe
that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the
joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we
should in a civilized society… (never ending story)
Car Dealer: Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating
wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
Farmer: Wanted a wife from good stock. Required
for breading.
Lawyer: I hereby propose to solicit myself as an
eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person
whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should
be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she
is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service
and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be
overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence
as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on
our part of any kind whatsoever.
Pilot: Wife required to complete my life. Please
only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the
clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be
in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically
sound!!!
Banker: Wanted wife who takes interest in me and
credits me with her service.
Shaayar: Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi
hai,
Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh,
Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey sarey,
Yeah mai butaatah hoon .........
Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
Accountant: Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24'
36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary
expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few
expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality
and be a credit to her family.
Sharabi: Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably
have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only
when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week.
Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally
in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
Minicab Driver: Hello! Hello! Number 9 calling.
This is number 9 I'm calling from base, a wife is needed for pick
me up. Driving license not necessary, map reading skills are a bonus.
Beggar: Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey,
Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey,
Allah terah bullah kurrey,
Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey,
Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
Builder: Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations
of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from
the ground up.
Doctor: I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness
in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then
its fine by me.
Army Commando: My mission in life is to find myself
the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife
and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
Race Car Driver: A model wife required to fit in
with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
Astronaut: I'm searching for a wife to fill the
space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks
that are out of this world!
The Truth in Classified Ads
Most people have at least once in their lives, read through the
matrimonial classified ads in newspapers. Perhaps wondering what
type of person is behind the ad. Maybe some of you have even answered
some of them.
Well for those of you that have tried to figure out what those descriptions
really mean, here they are, the real meaning behind the abbreviations
in personal ads:
ADS FROM WOMEN
40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Godrej hair dye
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST
40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &
back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and some Pop Corn
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's
not interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom wall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother
on Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding
a beer
Kaise Apni Wife ho?
5' 6" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 27 ho,
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
Bambai, Delhi ya Gujarat ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner ke time candle light ho,
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Yeh sab padhne ke baad kahe "ShaadiKaro se hi apni mulakat
ho",
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Kaash yeh concept .0001 percent bhi right ho
Agar aisi apni wife ho
To kya hasin life ho
Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
Kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
Khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho
Ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
Aisi apni wife ho!
Before and after marriage (filmi)
Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote
Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran
Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss
Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma
Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
It is always guys who are romantic! And girls always put them down!
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!!
HE: Hi! Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice!!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share!!!
HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
SHE: It’s hot!!!
HE: I’d go to the ends of the world for you!
SHE: Okay, but would you stay there?
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: You have a beautiful face!
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why, are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
Read Between The Lines
The more I think of you, the more I
Love you; I cannot see how any one could
Hate you. You have always been to me an
honest, faithful friend, and I hope my love is not an
Object of contempt. It is true that once I had said
I would never marry, but that was before
I loved you. The assertion you know was
utered in a bragging manner, in fact not but
a lie, and I do not know why I made it. If I
could even pluck up enough courage to
offer my hand I know very well you
would be surprised and I doubt if you
would accept it. I do not think I would
listen to a refusal from your lips and
thus make my whole life miserable. To die
without ever expressing my love for you
would be preferable to that. If you write to me
I shall be happy, but if you do not
I shall be miserable and gloomy, your letters
are a source of pleasure and a failure to them
always make me feel like committing suicide.
Skip 2nd, 4th and all even numbered lines and read the rest.
One more...
The great love that I have for you
is gone, and I find my dislike for you
grows every day. When I see you,
I do not even like your face;
the one thing that I want to do is to
look at other girls. I never wanted to
marry you. Our last conversation
was very boring and has not
made me look forward to seeing you again.
You think only of yourself.
If we were married, I know that I would find
life very difficult, and I would have no
pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
to give, but it is not something that
I want to give to you. No one is more
foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
able to care for me and help me.
I sincerely want you to understand that
I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
if you think this is the end. Do not try
to answer this. Your letters are full of
things that do not interest me. You have no
true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
I do not care for you. Please do not think that
I am still your boyfriend."
Skip 2nd, 4th and all even numbered lines and read the rest.
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