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Marriage Humour IV
You must be
married; know someone who has been married or possibly even have
a married family member ;) The following is not intended as an
endorsement of that condition. Nor is it intended to condemn the
sanctity of marriage as a whole. Actually, there is no such motive,
just a desire to entertain with a little humour and from what
someone had said, as ‘little’ humour as possible.
Just sit back and enjoy, have a few chuckles at your partner's
/ lover's / (dare I say it?) spouse's expense!
Children’s ideas on
marriage
What is marriage?
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have
to give her back to her parents"
"When somebody's been meeting for a while, the boy might
propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole
life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you
got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but
she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or
not. She can't wait to find out."
How does a person decide whom to marry?
"You flip a coin. Heads means you stay with him and tails
means you try the next one."
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what
I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
What is the right age to get married?
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work
anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in
your bedroom."
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a
wife"
How did your mom and dad meet?
"They were at a party at a friend's house. Then they went
for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because
it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They
won't tell me what kind."
Marriage
& Indian Ads
Want to propose a girl
Just do it - Nike
Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best - BPL.
If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks
If you are going to propose to a girl
Chances are 50-50 - Britannia
If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her
Take it easy - Limca
Girl says NO!
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda
Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do - Daewoo
If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend
Likho script apna apna - Rotomac.
If you love someone
Go get it - Visa power.
Boy riding a bike with neighbour's girl
Neighbours envy owner's pride - Onida.
Not satisfied with your date
Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.
A guy having a number of girl friends
The Complete Man - Raymonds.
A smart girl having a number of boyfriends
Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.
For those lost in love
Har shaam ka sathi, main aur mera - Bagpiper
Whisky.
For a guy or gal who hasn't yet found one
Dhoondte reh jaoge - Surf Exel
Marriage of IIT Girl
There is a general feeling in the public that IIT students are
found unassumingly lost in thought almost all the time. And girls
fare no better in this respect. So let us see what a non-IITian
may face when he marries a girl from this campus.
SCENE: First night of the marriage.
CHARACTERS: IIT bride and non-IIT
groom.
The groom approaches the bride and
proposes to kiss her. Let us see what would be her reaction…
Girl from the department of
Physics:
Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or
with respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You
can kiss me by treating me in the same reference frame as you
are, or treating me in a different inertial frame by producing
waves of motion through your lips.
How do you prefer?
The guy faints.
Girl from the department of
Mathematics:
Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following
conditions:
Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance
delta where delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta
tends to zero and you satisfy the closure property. Sufficient
conditions: You should have lips. Where the number of lips is
neither more than two nor less than two. You can also kiss by
defining your hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above
conditions.
The guy goes mad.
Girl from the department of
Computer Science:
You want to kiss me.
IF ((you know the algorithm very well) && (your GRE score
is greater than2380) && (in your stinginess, you did not
treat anyone for having cached in GRE)) THEN GOTO 100
ELSE GOTO 200
100: Fine. I assume that you know how to kiss. You have to complete
the kissing process within 56.22 seconds or else connection will
be timed out. To optimize the timing lets do parallel processing.
As we have to discuss about our future and other things, let us
do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you put
the process of kissing background? GOTO 300
200: I am afraid, I'll have to enqueue you. If
you time out, you'll be sent to the recycle bin.
The guy applies for divorce.
300: END
Girl
from the department of Electrical Engineering:
So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age
old communication process. The information content of the signal
transmitted from one pair of lips to the other is more if the
probability of the event (of kissing) is less. Hence take care.
If you want a successful communication between us, you should
kiss me less often. If the information content is to be infinite,
you should never kiss me at all.
The guy is found hanging from the fan next day.
You just can't win WOMAN
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree with all her likes, she is abusing,
If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an experienced man,
If you don't, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks you are too boring,
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad,
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it's too hard to wait,
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel,
If she's visited by another, Oh! It's natural, we are girls.
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen,
If you don't, you are not a man.
If you kiss her once in a while, she projects you
as being cold,
If you kiss too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting,
If she is stared by others, she says they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.
Oh! God, You created these creatures called ‘woman’
So simple, yet so complex.
So weak, yet so powerful.
So confusing, yet so desirable.
Please tell me what to do to win them!
Marriage Scenes
MARRIAGE (PART I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home
when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect
any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time
about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that there’ll be sex here at seven o'clock every night .
. . whether you're here or not."
MARRIIAGE (PART II)
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was
nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to
the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
MARRIAGE (PART III)
A man has six children and is very
proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave
as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go
home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's
lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four!"
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