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Introduction
An open and healthy communication is
a pre-requisite to any long-term, committed relationship. In fact,
without communication there is no intimacy in a relationship.
Intimacy, or literally "in-to-me-see", cannot exist
without both partners revealing themselves to each other in a
comfortable conversation. When two people do not communicate,
the relationship is gradually reduced to conjecturing, (mis) interpreting,
hurting each other's feelings or perhaps indulging mechanically
into sex without feeling strongly for each other.
Create the right context
By definition the word context means background,
circumstances, framework of an issue. To create a context for the
conversation is to create a background, a framework for what you
are about to say. A context prepares the person for what is about
to come so his/her energy can be focused on what you are saying
instead of on what is coming next.
A context mainly includes:
Topic: What is it you'd like to talk about,
to your partner?
Relevance: Is the topic of any relevance to your relationship
with your partner?
Consequence: What do you want to achieve out of this conversation?
Initiating a conversation without putting
it in a context is presenting someone with the 'unknown', which
almost always guarantees a defensive reaction. For example, if your
boss calls you into his office without specifying the reason, your
mind is at once distracted and begins to contemplate over all the
possible reasons why he wants to see you. You assume the worst and
begin to prepare your defense. Or you assume the best and set yourself
only to be shocked with his behavior. As you move into his cabin,
it is difficult for you to listen and respond appropriately. Instead,
you are caught in your 'anticipations' and 'reactions'.
What if, instead of keeping the suspense on, your boss indicated
that he wanted to see you in his office to discuss the performance
of your newly launched journal? By having the context for the conversation,
you can focus on the issue at hand. You may have an emotional response,
but it will be confined to the issue. Communication will flow more
easily. You will be able to hear what is being said and will be
in a position to respond rather than react.
Be frank and open
Each one of us is well aware of the significance of communication
in various relationships of our lives. The relationships that mean
the most to us or to which we associate fondly are the ones where
there is always a meaningful communication or a 'heart-to-heart'
openness. The level of closeness and intimacy in any relationship
is directly proportional to the amount, extent & quality of
communication that takes place between the people sharing that relationship.
Whereas the importance of communication in any relationship can
neither be denied nor under-estimated, being communicative with
one's partner in a relationship is perhaps one of the more challenging
and difficult acts. Not because communication is essentially precarious,
but because the very thought of revealing our 'true' selves - our
needs, wants, weaknesses, vulnerabilities, dreams, aspirations -
to another person feels as though we were exposing ourselves completely
to him/her and thereby allowing him/her to hurt or deceive us or
to take advantage of us in the long run.
On account of their bitter past experiences or personal insecurities,
many people feel that their partner would loose his/her interest
in them if they disclosed their ’inner’ selves upon him/her. They
use their quiet and non-communicative attitude as a shield against
all possible forces trying to snatch their partner away from them.
What they fail to realize is that by restraining themselves from
communicating with their partners, they are also tearing apart every
possible thread of intimacy, closeness, understanding and affection
that forms the basis of a loving relationship and sooner or later
their partner would get involved with someone who can compensate
for all their lackings & promise them a normal relationship.
Avoid conflicting issues
Sharing and caring are two essential ingredients of a vital relationship.
Relive the memories of the good times you and your partner have
spend together by talking frequently about it. More importantly,
tell them about your 'apart' times when
your partner was away from you and how much you missed and longed
to be with him/her! By reminding him/her of the sweet memories of
'yesterday', you are not only reassuring each other of all the happiness
that awaits you 'tomorrow', but also implying how much means he/she
means to you and how much you love and care about him/her.
Be a good listener
For most people, the art of communication
lies in talking constantly and overtly to their heart's content.
While this may apparently be true, it may not always be the case,
especially in case of close relationships. A good communication
is always a reciprocal conversation where two or more individuals
share their views and not a monologue where one person goes on to
emphasize his/her views without asking others their opinions or
letting them contribute their feedbacks. While talking to your partner,
be sensitive enough to observe his/her reaction. There are times
when all of us need to talk and give an outlet to our pent-up emotions.
At the end of a long, tiring day, your partner might be all worked
up over a tiff he/she had at work, pre-occupied with the legal formalities
of a bank loan or sad about the demise of a colleague, it is for
you to be sensitive and observant enough to notice his/her behavior
and be prepared to listen while he/she talks. If your partner is
the quite/introverted types, there might be times when you go on
yapping for hours and then realize all of a sudden that he/she had
not been paying attention to your words at all. Such a situation
can be pretty vulnerable and even though it is only human for you
to feel ignored & hurt, knowing the temperament of your partner,
you must change the course of your conversation in such a way that
he/she is forced to speak out his/her mind and feels lighter at
the end of the day.
After all, a true companionship is all about sharing and caring.
Isn't it? |
