| |
Have
you ever wondered why you tend to like some people instantly even
without knowing them, whereas some other people, who would have
been particularly nice to you, put you off consistently by their
very sight?
In trying to attach a scientific
explanation to the art of interaction, one might sum it up the
following way: Whenever two people exchange looks, greet each
other or indulge in an active communication, they tend to send
out vibrations (vibes) in the form of energy waves. Depending
upon the positivity or negativity of the vibes, we tend to feel
good or bad about that person. Many a times, even though a person
might talk sweetly, the vibes flowing from him/her carry a negative
connotation, and the other person not only senses the lack of
coordination between his/her thoughts and words but may also become
aware of his/her intentions. Similarly, at certain occasions,
people who have always been good in thoughts and deeds may surprise
you by the rudeness in their attitude or in the words coming out
of their mouth, even though, knowing them, you find it hard to
believe that their intentions are wrong.
Create the
' right' first impression
Among the primary code of conduct passed on to us for generations
is: "Your first impression is the last impression."
The lesson of casting the 'right' first impression begins at home
and continues to be an important part of our lives all through.
When we meet someone for the first time, he/she has no pre-conceived
image of us stored in the memory. Because of this, the first impression
we cast upon that person becomes deeply imprinted on his/her mind
and is hard to erase or forget later, unless in exceptional circumstances.
It is therefore extremely important to be careful about casting
the 'right' first impression on anyone we are meeting for the
first time. An impression once formed is hard to change, so it
becomes vital for us to not only know who & what we are, but
also how would we like to be perceived by the other person. Whereas
no two people we meet are similar, the way we meet them and the
impression we create upon them needs to be also varied according
to the following:
- The purpose & context of our
meeting
- The relationship we share with the
person we are meeting and
- The desired impact we would like
them to have of us
Treat others the way you'd
like them to treat you
"Be unto others as you'd like others to be unto you"
Have you ever helped an old man cross a busy road? Nursed a bleeding
bird back to life? Or skipped a few hours of work to take a sick
family member or friend to the doctor? If you have, then you know
the happiness that one derives out of these little, selfless acts
of thoughtfulness. It is amazing the way we can touch someone's
heart simply by smiling or waving at them, boost their morale by
patting on their shoulder, or stop someone's world from falling
apart simply by giving them a re-assuring hug. When we leave people
better off than we found them, we not only make a positive difference
in their lives but also increase our self-esteem. Also, as by treating
others well, we naturally expect to be treated well by others. And
because we expect it, we do in fact receive a better treatment.
These acts of kindness get reciprocated over time & become a
positive, nurturing cycle.
On the other hand, leaving someone
worse off than we found them not only makes us feel guilty and
miserable but also lowers our self-esteem. We lose our self-respect
and are haunted by the fear of receiving a similar treatment from
others. This again becomes a vicious cycle.
Never leave a situation unresolved
Few days back, a colleague of mine went out on her first date
with a guy she had met on the net couple of months ago. Both of
them had a good time together and they parted on a sweet note
agreeing to see each other again the coming week. Two weeks passed
and my colleague never heard from this man; He never appeared
online and did not even reply her emails. She was obviously hurt
and offended at his indifference and kept wondering what could
have possibly gone wrong? Did she offend him by her behaviour?
Or was he put off by the way she looked? For many days that followed,
my colleague was emotionally disturbed and distracted in her work
and it took her many more days to overcome the bitterness of this
episode. The unresolved 'mess' this man had left behind for her
not only shook her self-confidence & lowered her self-esteem,
but also caused an emotional turmoil to which she never had a
logic or explanation.
Now consider another couple which
has been seeing each other for many years. The woman suddenly
walks out of the relationship one fine day, without exchanging
a word or communicating with her partner about the problem that
led her to the extreme step. Her partner wonders what went wrong
and what did he do wrong, and he will wonder and be in pain for
a long time. The mess he is left with is grief, fear of rejection
& abandonment, loss of faith on others, and on himself.
If we are not conscious of the effect
our behaviour has upon others, we could cause immense moral, emotional
and psychological damage, often beyond repair. Imagine - what
would it take for us to be a little caring and communicative about
the way we feel about certain situations in life? Just a little
bit of effort and sensitivity. It could be as simple as making
a phone call to tell someone you are not interested in seeing
them. Or it may be a little vulnerable & complicated, like
telling your partner what is going wrong in your relationship
and having him/her to reach a mutual agreement to make it work.
It may be simply admitting you were at fault, saying you are sorry,
or telling the truth when it would be easier to lie.
Whatever it takes us to leave people
happy, vital and fulfilled, their lives unscathed and their energy
full is worth doing. It may sometime appear risky, demanding or
uncomfortable, but in the end, it leaves us contented and allows
us to move forward positively in life.
Watch your words
The art of communication without doubt is an important determinant
of human behaviour and the impact one creates while communicating
with others cannot be under-estimated or denied.
While talking to someone, it is not
only important to put your words across, but also to choose the
right words and expressions and to make sure you are heard.
I have a friend who is caring, kind
& good at heart and loves to speak for hours, but no matter
where she goes or whoever she talks to, everyone has a common
complaint against her: Whenever she talks, she very conveniently
forgets that she is not addressing herself but others; As a result,
every communication initiated with her becomes a monologue where
she alone speaks and others either loose their interest or are
forced to listen to her personal opinions; People find her tone
of speech overly aggressive and her choice of words full of jargons
and 'heavy-sounding' metaphors, which might please herself, but
hardly impress others. As a result, despite all her kindness and
caring self, most people who know her generally avoid talking
to her or very smartly escape from bumping into her. The few who
do talk to her occasionally get hurt due to her rude remarks and
usually wind up on a bitter note.
This is a small example of what your
speech can do to you. It is very important to weigh your words
before letting them out of your mouth.
"An arrow once shot and words once spilled out of the mouth
can never be taken back". (the same happens when you
send an email, hahaha!)
Before speaking up, it is important to ask yourself a few basic
questions:
- Is this the right time and situation
for initiating the conversation?
- Are you comfortable with how the
other person will react to your words?
- Have you put yourself in the other
person's shoes before letting your words out?
- Are you sensitive enough to the
people around you and take care that your words do not hurt
or offend them?
If the answer
to the above questions is ‘yes’, you definitely
are a sensitive communicator. But if you are doubtful, then
all you need to know is…
|
Watch your THOUGHTS, for they become your
WORDS,
Watch your WORDS, for they become your
ACTIONS,
Watch your ACTIONS, for they become your
DESTINY.
|
|
|
